The first thing I ever wrote was about a seagull. I guess I saw a seagull flying around in the sky while I was standing in the driveway of my home in Southern California at the age of ten and got all inspired or something. I saw the seagull, went into my room, and wrote a poem about it. And I've been writing poems about seagulls ever since!

No I haven't.

In the late '90s I got my start writing for a string of local papers in suburban Illinois covering hot topics like new tanning salons and baby beauty pageant winners. I went on to freelance for a few publications in Chicago such as The Chicago Reader, New City, and Time Out Chicago. At some point I moved to New York and surfed a wave of sweaty ambition into the position of Music Editor for Bust Magazine, and later, for VICE Magazine. Alongside those positions I have also written for Maxim as a daily Music News Writer, The Hairpin, NY Magazine, Total Bozo Magazine, NY Post, Vanity Fair, The Hauntist, Cosmopolitan, GQ, Consequence of Sound, and Rolling Stone. Notable achievements include suffering hysterical blindness while interviewing Tori Amos, and being run out of Olympia, Washington with a broom by Kimya Dawson.